I'm working on it

Today has been one of those days. A day where you start out getting out of bed and feeling quite good. Although it is overcast and drizzly, you are still feeling good after breakfast and a shower so you decide to take your nearly 2yr old out to the shops because you need to look for a baby shower present for a friend. Now, the drive to the shop and the initial foray through the shopping centre are still allowing you to feel good. You're looking at your child and thinking 'You are just the cutest thing in the world', and then all hell breaks loose. She wants to keep trying on shoes, you want to walk away; she wants to get out of the pram but you want her to stay in it; you need her to sit in her car seat so you can do up the buckle, she decides that RIGHT NOW she needs to play with the interior light just above her door; you want to get in the car and drive home so you can relax with a cup of tea but you discover that your mobile phone is missing. OMG!!!!!!! The proverbial hits the fan and the monster within is unleashed. After searching through and emptying the entire contents of your handbag, the shopping bags and a most thorough search of the car you nearly see red. Steam is pouring out your ears, visions of traipsing back through the shops and retracing your steps nearly cripple you and the steering wheel has received undue abuse for this catastrophe.

You suddenly realize that the last time you saw your phone it was on the top of the pram, so you open the boot and whip open the canopy of the pram. There, in all it's metallic glory, is your phone. You quietly ease back into the car, start the engine, turn the on some easy listening music and just weep. You are weeping because you saw something in yourself that made you pale with fear, a darkness that you thought you had overcome, the pit opening up and the monster emerging. Not dead and buried as you thought, but merely dormant, waiting for that moment of weakness, to unleash blackness, to spew hot bitter words, to make you doubt everything you thought you knew about yourself, to get you believing its lies.

BUT I have this to say to my monster: I will not succumb, I will not bow down, I will not be cowed. It is you who will succumb, it is you who will bow down, and it is you who will be cowed.

In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us